What if Loneliness is a body signal like thirst or hunger?
When is the last time you recall feeling lonely? Maybe you can notice a little loneliness somewhere inside you right now?
You may have heard the stats. Science has shown that chronic loneliness is right up there with the health impacts of a pack-a-day cigarette habit. Say what??
Social isolation and loneliness are this era’s dire epidemic. And it needs to be normalized asap.
We are social creatures in separate bodies. Thus, loneliness is UNIVERSAL.
Just like hunger or thirst, a sense of loneliness is a physiological response to an unmet need. Think caveman times. Finding yourself alone was a danger zone.
Image by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash
The body releases stress hormones. In the short-term, they help us focus (Where are my people? Is my body safe?).
But left unaddressed, loneliness means steady stress → chronic inflammation → disease.
Yet, instead of seeing a sense of loneliness as a flag to alert us to an unmet need, our society equates this innate physiological response with shame. Feeling lonely is bad. We must be relationally inept. (How ashamed you should be that you are thirsty after no water for two days!)
Thus, the paradox of loneliness. Not only is the body on high alert and thus more suspicious of others and hyper-focused on self, but also we’re not telling anybody about it.
We’d rather die of relational thirst than ask for a glass of human connection. It’s easy to see why Loneliness is the perfect companion for addiction and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Another tricky piece. Lonely may not look like lonely. It’s more likely to present as Anger, Anxiety, Depression. (“I just have anxiety,” or “he’s always angry,” might actually stem from being malnourished in human connection.)
Another paradox is this. (I know, right.) Connection to Self is the foundation we need to be connected with others. When we’re connected to ourselves, we understand our self-worth. Discomfort with who we are impairs our ability to reach out to others. Self-awareness and self-compassion are the key ingredients.
It all sounds so heavy. But it doesn’t have to be.
At Connect Fest on Friday, I will be offering some surprising antidotes to loneliness -- and the anxiety, lethargy, and resistance that often come along with it. You will walk away with at least 3 easy and effective tools to add to your anti-Loneliness (aka, Belonging) toolbox.
It’s quick and free to register! Click here.
Sciency statements based on the work of Vivek Murthy, U.S. Surgeon General, in his book Connection: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World.
