Whaddya mean, “Belong to Self?”
We humans, we be SOCIAL. We have a deeply-embedded need to be liked, respected, accepted. Often that need is so strong it drives us to alter our behaviors and decide that certain parts of us should not be revealed. 🙈🙊
Each of us has the power to give attention and care to ALL the parts of “Self” (aka Selves), to accept our Selves.
What does that look like?
One way it looks is owning our qualities, values, choices, actions -- even when they’re not popular (especially when?). That’s not always easy, at least not for me.
Getting to know our diversity of Selves, including the insecure, the angry, the scared, the jealous, the embarrassed, the needy… the whole damn crew… is key to feeling a sense of genuine belonging.
We were not taught to do this; to the contrary, we were taught that we have “good” and “bad” traits. We were trained to hold select Selves hostage, and we were punished for letting the bad Selves out of the cage.
It’s gonna take some work to uproot these biases. Is the effort worth it? 💪🏽💪🏻
My own experience tells me Yes. The more parts i embrace, the more i feel at home in my own skin.
Belonging is the opposite of “fitting in.” Fitting in, hiding the parts i label as bad or weird, peacemaking -- all expert skills of mine, btw -- these patterns leave me feeling like a liar to myself and way more disconnected from others.
Lonely anyone?
Side note: This is not to diminish all the ways our society squashes collective Belonging. Many are swimming upstream in a river designed to keep it that way.
And, we always have control over our sense of Belonging TO SELF.
EXPERIMENT. In moments when we feel like we don’t Belong, what would happen if we shine the light inside first, seeking out even just one tiny new thing that we could tell ourselves the truth about?
BONUS EXPERIMENT. What would happen if we then share that one tiny truth with another human?
You: “Would you like to meet my shadow?”
Me: “Hell yes. And i will show you mine.” (with your consent of course 😉)
Image: @thelauraolsen
